Have you ever felt that your libido was low? Or that it was really ramped up? Hot hot hot?  

In my experience, it comes in waves, and I’m sure most of us can relate to the former – a low libido. Let’s talk about why we may have a low libido, and how we may be able to ramp it up again.  

Why do we sometimes (or often… or always) have a low libido? Is it because we’re too busy with life to even think about being turned on and wanting sex? Is it because all our time is spent looking after our children? Or have we simply lost interest? Perhaps we’re at a point where we believe we’re just “not that sexual” and that part of us has now “switched off”? Do we think that part of us is completely dead and gone – a relic of our past selves? Or perhaps this is what we’re hearing from our partners, or we’ve told ourselves that our focus is simply elsewhere now – on our jobs, our kids, our ageing parents.  

I recently had a blocked libido. I felt nothing when it came to feeling sexy or turned on. Even self-pleasure was off the menu. I told myself I was too busy with my son, work and launching my new business. “I don’t have time for this right now”, I told myself and off I went to bed each night, with zero self-pleasure or orgasms, for weeks.   

As it turns out, I had to call BS on myself. Those stories I was telling myself were so far from the truth. The truth was that I was feeling hurt, upset, resentful, sad and lonely over a personal situation I’d been going through. Like Samantha in Sex and The City, who lost her orgasm because she was ignoring her grief and emotions around the sudden death of Miranda’s mother, I too had lost my sexual mojo. 

It wasn’t until I had the opportunity to air my grievances and boundaries in a safe space, to be heard without judgement – by the person involved in my “personal situation” – that the energy cleared, and the blocks ran out of me like water flowing out of a river.  

And what a difference that made to how I felt. Wow. I woke up the next day and sexual energy was flowing through me again. I was turned on, juiced up once again and I was writing and creating in a way I hadn’t done in weeks. And the orgasms were coming thick and fast. 

It may sound obvious when you say it out loud, but it is my belief that our sexual energy and our libido are linked to our feelings and emotions. When our feelings and emotions are being ignored or downplayed, when we’re resentful, sad or feeling abandoned, our libido will be low, if not non-existent.  

Alternatively, when we are heard, validated, acknowledged and seen, our negative emotions are released, the block clears and our libido increases. We get high on the incredible s*xual energy that once again begins to flow in our bodies.  

What’s the message behind all of this? Here it is:    

Stop convincing yourself that you don’t want sex anymore. That your libido is low and you’re too busy for it. That it’s no longer important to you. That is also BS. I believe we tell ourselves this story so we can ignore the true feelings and emotions that are at the heart of why our libido is low. It’s not because we don’t want sex. It’s because we’re holding sadness, resentment and anger in our bodies, which has caused us to become disconnected from what we truly want. Think about it – by rationalising to ourselves (and probably to our friends) that we don’t want sex, we remove the need to face up to the real reasons why we may feel that lack of desire.  

So I ask you this. What if you could face what’s really holding you back, dig really deep into your emotions, identify and acknowledge what’s down in the depths, and then come back up, knowing which conversations you need to have, acknowledging what you really want… and then getting it.  

What happens next? You crack open. When you feel heard, seen, understood and have the difficult conversations that need to be had, you will feel energy and life force flowing through you once again. Your juices will start flowing again and your libido will heighten. You will feel reconnected to yourself (and your sexual partner) and you will want SEX.   

Remember sex? Of course you do. Because it’s amazing. It’s beautiful. It’s life force itself. And my friend, you are going to get it.   

What next steps are you ready to take to bring yourself closer to the possibility of opening up to sex and intimacy again? How will you know when you’re ready? What will help get you there?

Book your free clarity call with me to explore these possibilities even further.

With love,

Isabel x