Are you a first-time single mum this Mother’s Day – parenting solo while your children are with you?

Or perhaps your kids will be with their other parent on Sunday?

Or maybe this isn’t your first rodeo in the Mother’s Day custody shuffle.

Whatever your situation, Mother’s Day can be really difficult for single mothers.

It’s meant to be a day where mums are celebrated, but it leaves many feeling flat – or worse… sad and lonely.

If that’s you, please know, you are not alone. So many other mothers are feeling this too, even if it seems like everyone else is having the perfect day.

For the single mothers who have their young kids this Sunday – I see you.

There won’t be any breakfast in bed (or if there is, it’s likely going to be toast crumbs IN bed). There won’t be any flowers. There probably won’t be any chocolates either. If you’re lucky, you might get a hand drawn card that the kids made in school – thanks to their teacher.

And if your kids are young, it’s pretty likely that Mother’s Day will look the same as any other Sunday – you’ll be looking after them, not the other way around. You’ll be making their meals, ensuring they’re entertained, getting them ready for pre-school or school the next day, etc.

Of course we love our kids. This ISN’T their fault.

But I know for some of you, this is a tough day.

It can be tough for so many reasons, not to mention the huge amount of pressure that’s placed on us for it to look and feel a certain way (thanks consumerism, marketing and social media!). And it pretty much never looks or feels the way we’re told it should be.

For some of us, we get to throw in the complication of split custody.

I’ve had a few clients tell me how they’ve had their kids on Mother’s Day in the past, but the kids have come back from their other parent, empty-handed. This can be especially triggering when the opposite is true of you.

When you live by your values and go to the effort of ensuring your kids display their appreciation for the other parent on Father’s Day by having gifts for their dad, it can be tough when you don’t get the same treatment. A little reciprocation would be nice, right?

It’s never about the gift itself – it’s the thought, time, and effort that show appreciation. That’s the lesson we want our kids to learn.

If it turns out that you don’t have your kids with you on Mother’s Day, this is equally tough. Yes, you get to sleep in… but gosh it’s lonely. It is really, really hard.

It’s a real push and pull. You’re either alone and aching for your kids, or you’re in full-on single-parent mode, wishing for just a moment to yourself. You want to be with them – and you also desperately need a break. Either way, it’s a tough situation.

And remember – whatever you’re feeling is okay. Whether it’s sadness, anger, numbness, or even guilt for wanting more, it’s all valid.

Here’s what my clients tell me that they really want on Mother’s Day – to be able to sleep in, to be treated as special, to have cuddles with their kids… and then to go have a massage or spa day, go for a swim, go on a hike, or do whatever it is that they love to do – on their own.

But when you’re single parenting, this is virtually impossible. You can’t have both.

Personally, I feel that days like Mother’s Day are unnecessary and complicated.

But they exist.

So what do you do?

• What do you do when you know that pain is coming?
• What do you do when you know you’re going to be triggered?
• What do you do when you know you’re not going to have the Mother’s Day you really want?
• What do you do when no one else is choosing you?

If no one else is choosing you, you have to choose you.

This is when it’s time to reclaim yourself.

How?

By grounding into your body and being present with what’s true.

If you want to stay engaged and present in what’s happening in your world, even when it hurts, here’s what you don’t do:

• Numb, ignore or push away your emotions
• Distract yourself with shopping, scrolling, alcohol, television or food

Here’s what to do to instead.

This is a somatic practice you can try, to help you ground into your body and be present with what’s true:

• Find a comfortable place to lie down, whether on the floor, on a blanket, on a yoga mat or on your bed.
• If you like, light a fragrant candle so you can begin to engage your sense of smell and sight.
• Put on some relaxing music – both to help you feel more at ease, and to engage your ears
• Either lie on your back, sit cross legged or simply find a position that feels comfortable.
• Start to take deep breaths and let the rhythm of the music guide you to start moving slowly – however feels good.
• Start to notice whatever thoughts, feelings or sensations come up for you and as much as possible, simply let them be.
• Your brain will try to distract you with other thoughts – that’s okay. Simply come back to your breath or a sensation in your body and be with it.
• Continue this for as long as feels comfortable.

Even doing this for five minutes can help you to feel more grounded in your body and help you to acknowledge what is present in the body. How you truly feel.

Feelings are like people – they want to be acknowledged, seen and heard. Not pushed down and ignored.

Emotions also want to move – but that is a lesson for another time.

Each time you try this somatic practice, you may notice that you’re able to hold yourself in that practice for a little longer than the last time. This is what expansion is all about.

This, along with greater, deeper practice, is what I teach in my RE/CLAIM program.

• I guide you to find the inner truth, wisdom and strength you need to be self-resourced at times that are triggering.
• I guide you to discover what you are and aren’t available for in your relationships and life in general.
• I guide you to find your voice so you can express your needs and desires without hesitation.
• I help you discover greater aliveness and pleasure in your day-to-day, so that no matter what situation you’re in this Mother’s Day – or any day – you feel grounded, worthy, and powerful.

Ready to find out more? Find out all about my signature 1:1 coaching program, RE/CLAIM here or book your free clarity call here.