If you’ve ever told yourself that your libido is dead, or that you’re one of those people that doesn’t want or need sex anymore, I’m here to tell you otherwise.

When we go without sex for a long time, we start to tell ourselves a story – about how it’s not the most important thing in a relationship, how we can go without, how it’s not the measure of a healthy partnership… and so on.

We tell ourselves these stories as a method of self-protection. If we believe the narrative that we don’t need it – and we’re not getting it – then we’re good. Nothing is wrong. We can just leave it as is and we don’t have to do anything about it. Easy.

But let’s get real for a moment. What is really going on? Why are we so quick to buy into the story that we don’t need sex or intimacy, which when done right, is the most deliciously bonding and fulfilling experience a human can have?

I believe it’s a few things.

Firstly, it’s my belief that your low or non-existent libido in a partnered relationship is a sign of unresolved tension. Think of all the small arguments that build up when you don’t clear the air, the snarky comments said when they’re not at their best, when you feel that you’re consistently not being heard, when you have to nag to get them to do anything… it’s not exactly sexy. And so your libido starts to take a nose dive.

Secondly, most women were raised to perform. Be a good girl, don’t make anyone uncomfortable, be a good wife, put your kids first, make sure you always please them, be ready to go whenever they are… do this for enough years and all of a sudden you realise that you’ve been ignoring your own needs. You’ve been performing a role instead of being the main character in your own life.

And if someone were to ask you what you actually want? I’m willing to bet that this would be a really difficult question to answer.

What you desire feels unknown, impossible to define… murky at best.

And who can blame you? For as long as you can remember, it hasn’t been about what you want or desire. You’ve pushed that down/to the side/out for so long – in service of others – that it feels out of reach.

And while we’ve been so focused on working hard to take the path that someone told us would make us happy, that would mean “success”, we’ve stopped taking time to be with the truth of what we actually desire. We reach the goal we were told to aim for, and when we do, we stop, look around for a moment and ask ourselves – “is this what I really wanted?”.

Let me be clear – we are not here to blame someone else for our low or non-existent desire for sex and intimacy. We are personally responsible for how we show up in a relationship and for keeping our side of the street “clean”.

But – we can begin to understand and acknowledge why it might be low and start to work through these complex layers that essentially sit on top of our hibernating libido. That impact our confidence, our magnetism, our relationships and our sense of self-worth.

Pleasure is linked to self-worth after all and if you don’t truly feel like you deserve to feel good, if you question whether you’ve done enough to “earn” it, if there are blocks in your way, how can you ever access it fully?

So if you’re in this place, if you know your desire isn’t where you want it to be, if you want to feel better about yourself, your sex drive, your relationship and your pleasure, take the first step now by taking my Pleasure Archetype quiz ​here​.

It’s a free, two minute quiz that will unlock your unique pleasure code i.e. what turns YOU on, what you crave and how to get it.

From there you can book a call with me to find out more…

Or, if you’re ready to give embodiment coaching a go, but just want a little taster of the nature and power of it, try a ​one-off session​. I’m offering a limited number of these, for a limited time.

It’s time to get in touch with what’s truly inside you, what you truly desire, and what may be blocking you, so you can break through those blocks, attain greater heights of pleasure, build beautiful connection in your relationships and harness crazy confidence and undeniable magnetism.

Let’s do this.

With so much love, Bella x